My First Washington Weekend.

Who would I have been NOT to booty dance for this car?

Who?

(HANDS ON YA KNEES; HANDS ON YA KNEES)

I'd like to thank Gina for giving me white teeth.

Who needs a dentist when you've got PhotoShop...

Don't ask;

Don't tell.

Maybe I used that last caption
a little too soon.

My "special" friends.

My shoe-ular phone.

The guy on the other end was a real heel.
side note; I look like a picnic table.

Hercaleeees; Hercaleeees.

(I hope you clapped your hands as you read that.)

For those of you wondering...

THERE ARE NO CAMERAS ALLOWED IN THE CASINO.
That being said;

I took a few.
I like to call this one; Penny Sluts.

Purple leaves; Purple leaves.

Purple leaves; Purple leaves.
Sing it if you know it!

This picture pretty much sums up the night...

Now that the tune's stuck in your head...

One more time.

Purple leaves... Purple leaves..
You take it from here..

The Prince & Princess of the playground.

I still can't do the monkey bars.

Don't judge.

I said we had to take an emo picture of Gina on the playground.

She protested.

But, because I know what the people want to see...

I fought for it.
I WIN.

GABE!
My newest nephew.

Me: You two look like lesbians.

Gina: No, this is what lesbians look like.

SHE WINS.

My new brotha, sista, and neffews.
Is that a little racist...?

Who knows...

You know that episode of Reba where Barbara Jean documents her

and Brock's vacation by taking pictures of her feet....

Yep.
I did.

Me & The new crew.

Two trailer park girls go 'round the outside.
'round the outside.

(Alright, there's the Eminem quote you've all been waiting for.)
(Your welcome)

All we need is a blanket and we've got ourselves another...

Blanket....

(No babies were harmed during shooting of these photos.)









Angel & Gabe.

I knew me and her would get along as soon as she

yelled at the ghetto girls on their front porch.

Rich looks crreeeeeepy.
Like...Someone I wouldn't let near my kids.

(But...that's his son. And he's a great dad.)

This kid is precious.
PRECIOUS.

I gotta feelin' (oooh-oooh).
It was wrong.

Silverdale Waterfront Park

You've heard of mall walkers...

Coming next season on A&E;

Dock Walkers.

(The entire cast wears funny hats like this one.)

One day;

there will be a statue of me.

And this is the face I'll be making.

This used to say "Pump Out"

Someone gave it a makeover.

I approve.

Dibs.




The women here are SMOKIN' HOT.

My first photo outing was at Silverdale Waterfront Park.

It's a small, calm park in Silverdale that is down on the bay.

Great views.

GREYHOUND QUOTES

As I traveled the country, I saw a lot of things.

Most of you have seen the pictures that I posted.

However, not all of the great moments could be captured by photo...

But, thinking of you, I took notes to remind myself of all the great things along the way.

Leaving Houston, the lady in the seat behind me started to sing Tiny Dancer.

She was talking to someone on the phone and mentioned to them how she wanted the whole bus to join in.

I was happy to ablige her.

My senses were stressed, to say the least.

I feel the need to apologize to one of my senses somewhat more than others.

To my nostrils,

I am very sorry for all that I have put you through.

You smelled feet, urine, old chicken, old people, mold, bus stops, beef jerky, corn chips, and many other scents that didn't do any good for the both of us.

I AM SOOOO SORRY!

Our bus driver from Houston to Dallas definitely had a few things going for him.

A uniform, shiny head, glasses, and the voice of a smooth operator.

However, he did not have a way with words.

When someone was trying to get his attention by saying "Driver,"

he replied, "You can call me Mr. Ortiz."

I'd rather not.

Lots of people travel on Greyhounds.

People from all walks and wheelchairs of life.

But, I feel as though they cater to one group of people in particular.

CONVICTS.

Let me take this moment to share some great quotes...

"I'm going back to Denver to take care of some business...I have a court case on Monday."

"How many years did you?"

My favorite one was when the guy in front of me (right before I was about to take a nap)

"It feels good to be home. I've been in for 8 years...just got out today."

While we are on quotes...

One man sticks out to me as being able to offend people from all walks of life...

"You should have one day a month where you can just punch your old lady in the mouth."

"This country was going great, until, they (women), got the right to vote."

"I know it's only 9 a.m. but are there any bars around here?"

Nobody ever accused rednecks of being smart.

While watching CNN in a bus stop in Billings, Montana..

The President of Iran was giving a speech, and his translator was a woman...

The guy next to me on the bench said;

"That man has a real high voice."

I just looked at him.

I had no idea how to respond to this.

I finally said..

"That's his translator."

He argued with me, until I pointed out that the man's mouth was saying different words than what was actually being heard.

This next quote needs no funny set-up...

"I don't know why anyone is forced to attend school past elementary school. You learn all you need there."

My FAVORITE quote had to be from a guy talking about his lesbian sister...

"I always told Helga, when God was handing out genitals, you got the wrong kind."

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

This pretty much wraps up my travel days.

My future posts will be about life in Washington.

Lots of pictures.

Thanks for playing along.

Don't get me wrong... I like to lean back and relax just as much as the next guy... But you should never invade someone's personal space... This girl was waaaaaay to close to me.

(P.S. Her hair was like a peacock)
My best friend Hannah viewed the original departure as a photo shoot... I was trying very hard to take care of business...She was trying very hard to get a good, classy shot of me sitting on my luggage.
(That's her in the reflection of my glasses)

See those silly bands on my wrist...

Hannah: Here, take these patriotic spiderman silly bands with you. Never take them off...or we won't be friends.

True Action Shot.

Didn't think I was going to be able to close that one...

This pretty much says it all.

(All the credit for the photos of me at the gas station goes to Ms. Hannah Crawford. I MISS YOU!)

You only get one shot;

Do not miss your chance to go.

(that's right...I just quoted Eminem lyrics)

BEST VENDING MACHINE EVER!

I'm glad they were prepared for me.

This is that girl with the peacock hair again.

She looks like an angel when she sleeps.

Oh, Beautiful,

for spacious skies;

for amber waves of grain.

Leaving Houston, I guess, even though the journey for this guy had just started, he was pooped. So, while I was sitting there minding my own business... He began napping on my shoulder.

I have no clever puns for this.

The picture pretty much sums it up.

Part A of the travel.

The first headline I saw while in Washington...

They should advertise this more..

I could have brought a friend.

Alright; let me list the facts...

A) The bus had a restroom.

B) This bus stop had a restroom.

C) This bus stop was WELL lit.

Even after all that... This man peed on a tree as all the other passengers looked on in shock. I, of course, viewed it as a photo opportunity.

Greyhound stops at the weirdest places.

I'm not sure how we found this coffee shop in the middle of nowhere..

Though the journey was long and tiresome, I saw some really nice parts of America.

One of the best moments of the trip...

This guy got on the bus and was very awkward from the get go.

I started telling him that he was on the bus to St. Louis.

He believed me, got off the bus, had a conversation with the driver, and returned to his seat.

All was well, we began to roll... he pulled out his bottle.

Later that night we stopped to take a break and while attempting to use the restroom, he peed on himself.

The bus driver found his bottle in the seat and the man was asked to step off the bus.

I also had breakfast with two strangers.

I'll let you assume as you'd like.


LESBIAN! LESBIAN!

Apparently, while sleeping in my bus seat, this lesbian (whose name I still do not know).. struck up conversation. I told her I knew how to do eyebrows and make-up.. I don't recall any of this... But.. The next morning at breakfast, she asked if I was ready to "put her mask on." I was not.

She told me her life story... I know waaaaay to much about her.





So maybe these are all out of order, but... When I saw this sign, I knew it was time to start.

There once was a girl from..